Tomorrow

The day I've been waiting years for is just a few more hours away.

Lucky

I'm quite happy at the moment. Not only did I get to spend almost a full week at my Master's side, go out with him, and got to enjoy my first slosh (Where we met many a new friend) But it seems the tides have changed for me, in a good way.

I have a job interview tomorrow morning at an insurance company (Which is something I'm good at) and will hopefully be looking at a house rental. Please keep your fingers crossed for me, because if this comes through, the status of my Master and I will no longer need to be secret. What a glorious day that will be.

More upcoming updates

My Master has had me for almost a full week this time, and a great time it was indeed. So much so, last night I was nearly brought to tears at the mere thought of returning to the lifestyle I lead that is considered 'normal' (I consider it 'torture' because I have to deal with the boy...)

Regardless, there is a great lot to talk about. From long car rides, to fun trips, old friends, and even my first slosh!

The upcoming month is going to be hell, as August creeps ever closer, and the temptation to leave before that chosen date grows stronger, but I will do my best to keep everyone updated, informed, and entertained!

~Angel

The little things...

Sometimes it's the little things that make us the happiest. Like lying awake beside Master while he rests.

The Boy

As I've stated before, this is a topic I don't want to press too much on, because it's a bit unsettling. But, I feel it might be best to let everyone see a bit more into what I'm going through.

The Boy is someone I've dated off and on since high school. And he's intimidated me into staying. I'm not proud of it in the slightest. The last time I broke things off with The Boy, he supposedly tried to commit suicide, and I hate hurting people, even if by not hurting them, I hurt myself. I've wanted to leave again for coming up on two years now, but I've never had the drive or the push to. I know I'm not treated well, yet I've never had the drive to get away.

A bit of history on the Boy and the reasons I need out... Well, he's a liar. He'll say anything to make people think he's more than he is. Whether it be lying about his job to make it seem more important, or lying about aspects of his life (even to me. He still is lying about the time before I met him, and he doesn't know I know) He also settles. Once he's comfortable in his little rung of the latter, he doesn't try to better himself at all. We've lived in this apartment for three years (He only moved in after his mother kicked him out, and he sunk his claws in) and I've stated I want to move, but when I mention it, he makes it seem like I'm a bad person for wanting to do so.

He never keeps a promise, and I mean -never- Years ago, he promised that we would do something simple... go to the zoo... six years later, I'm still waiting. He promised a trip out of country, he promised me a dinner for my birthday, he promised me he'd take me to the theatre... Please forgive me if this sounds selfish, but, I like it when someone keeps a promise. I've got no freedoms, and he gets mad when I do things without him. Whether it be going to visit family, or watching an episode ahead on a TV show. He watches the bank account with an eagle eye, and questions anything and everything I buy.

The one thing that annoys me above all else... he cheapens words. I counted how many times he said 'I love you' in one day... and it was well over 250. The more you say it, the more it loses meaning. I'm convinced that, in all actuality, he dosen't love me, but is too afraid to admit it. He defines himself by who he is with, and has no real idea of who he is.

Also, all of my family hates him. Most of my friends despise him, and they hate how he treats me.

I've been putting up with this for years, hell, these are the same reasons I left him the first time. Back at square one, and yet I still didn't have the drive to leave.

Until Master came along again.

Within the past few weeks, I've started packing. All of my books are packed, and some of my clothing. The boy has his head stuck so far up his ass he hasn't noticed yet.

My mother is telling me that once I come back from the family trip for my brother's graduation, that I should leave then. I'm seriously considering it.

The plan was to leave in August when the lease on the apartment was up, but with all of this building up inside, I feel as though I'm about to explode. Which, might be a good thing.

~Angel

The Weekend - Part Two

There was an encounter this weekend that made me realize how amazingly lucky I am to have such a kind, loving, and devoted Master.

As I mentioned in my last post, Master has a friend who lives the Gorean lifestyle. He first made note of our relationship while I was standing quietly by as the pair talked, as Master held onto my leash.

"Okay, I have to ask since she's being so quiet. Is this a Gor thing?"
Master smirked "Not quite, but close. Angel, say hello before you make the poor man nervous"

Apparently, Master's friend, who is a rather large man, with a strong job, and a collection of guns, is a Gorean submissive. And unwilling one at that. His dislike for his mistress is almost unsettling, as is her apparent dislike for him. His mistress tricked him into serving her. When they go to meet with others, she makes him carry her on his shoulder. When he broke his leash, she replaced it with a tow-cable.

Hearing this made me realize exactly how lucky I am, and made me love my master all the more.

Master's friend also said that Master was lucky to have me, because I am so well-behaved.

I do try my best to make Master proud.

~Angel

The Weekend - Part One

This past weekend, my Master and I went with a few friends to an event out of state. It was our first real chance in a long while to be ourselves. And I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I was picked up from my apartment mid-week, and we picked up our friends, before stopping at Master's house for the night. The first stop for myself and my master, was the bed. As I've stated before, you can't keep us apart for too long. It is amazing how easily Master and I flow from pretending to be 'normal' into our true selves. The rest of the night, Master and the rest of the group played video games, and I knelt quietly by my Master's side.

The next morning was indeed a great wakeup. Sharing a bed with my Master is one of the greatest things in the world to me. I tried to make it worth his while too. The day consisted of a rather long car trip, filled with music varying from showtunes to techno. A very fun time indeed. I ended up driving a bit to let Master sleep for a while, as I had apparently tired him out a bit. It is nice indeed to see him so serene.

Once we hit our destination, it was hecitc indeed. Running around, finding friends, looking for where we were supposed to be. Unfortunately, to be professional, Master and I had to back away from eachother a bit. I didn't mind though.

A memory that does stand out was during one of those times in which Master and I were allowed to show our true affection. We were standing outside, Master was talking to a friend of his, who happens to live the Gorean lifestyle, and I was sitting on the curb, my arm wrapped around Master's leg, as he held my leish. Another person who knows my Master came up and was talking to the pair, and, as he left, he wished Master, Master's friend well, and said "I hope your girlfriend has a good weekend as well."
To that, Master and his friend smirked, as Master replied "She's not my girlfriend."
The kid blinked "Wife?"
Again with the smirk "Nope."
The kid looked confused "... Fiancee?"
Master reached down and patted my head "She's got a fiancee."
And with that, the kid looked confused again, and walked off, to a bit of laughter from Master and his friend. I couldn't help but smile.


~Angel

Happy Birthday Master

As I'm sure you can tell by the title, today happens to be my Master's birthday. And I did my best to help him celebrate.

We spent the entire weekend (Thursday through today) together, so I'm sure we both have a lot to share.

Master, on your birthday, I wish for you to have love, happiness, and luck in the years to come. I will be here by your side, ever devoted, as long as you'll have me.

~Angel

Stolen Moments on a happy day

As my beloved master stated. Yesterday was indeed my birthday, and I celebrated by attending one of those escapes from reality I mentioned. Indeed, the boy was in attendance, so it did try the self control of both my master and myself. But we did have the chance to sneak away together for a few shared moments, which we were both very grateful of.

Personally, I think we did quite well.

At the moment, I will admit I am more than just a little out of it, due to some painkillers I've taken, so I will post once I have a more coherent train of thought.

~Angel

The First Night

The night things became 'official' I suppose you could say, was an interesting one. Both my Master and I were aware of each others personalities, having had been friends for so long, and we had just started seeing each other on a more personal level. I do think, however, this was not too long after that first time. It was a Saturday, one of the nights of the weekly reality escape, only this one was on a much larger scale, bringing people from across the United States. After wards, a group of us went out to eat, just talking, laughing, and joking together, a really fun time.
One of our number decided that we should go hang out with another group, and that led us to a hotel room in an upscale part of downtown, where a submissive was being re-introduced to her Dom. Cat and mouse. This was my first REAL introduction to the lifestyle. Even when Cat was using a riding crop to discipline mouse, he still took great care of her, asking if she was okay when she faltered, and cradling her afterwards. It was then I realized I was sitting next to my master. He smirked at me, that smile that I can't resist, and told me to sit in the tower position. (or Seiza, as I had known it due to my previous history with the Japanese culture) That night was a crash-course for me. Some things I was able to pick up on easily, others, I had to be taught. The night ended after mouse and myself were both tied to a railing, and were in turn disciplined with riding crops and floggers.
Needless to say, when I went to work the day after, people were questioning where the bruises came from. I just smiled, and let that answer their question.

Earliest Moments

Even now when I think back on when my Master and I first met, the strongest memories I have are of him standing over me.
I was in High School at the time, the nerdy girl who never paid attention in class, and was always considered an outcast from the popular few. Stupid, idealistic, a bit of a rebel in my own right. I will admit, I was a contradiction onto myself. Whereas I was rebellious, I was still quiet, and shy around people I didn't know. It was during these times that I found sanity in a weekly escape from reality, and it was there that I met my Master. It was an instant crush. The first real conversation we had, I was blushing so badly, I couldn't look at him. He was flawless, absolutely gorgeous. At that point, I was sitting on the ground, and he was kneeling beside me (As I said, the strongest memories are of him in the dominant position.)
It was just after I found out how deeply I wanted to know more about this man, that he had to leave. We did stay in constant contact, and he visited when he could (Once having to suffer the consequences for not returning on time... The hardest two months I've ever known)
Eventually, I fell off the map after I finished high school, and made a mistake of letting myself become trapped. When my Master and I found each other again, I was in for more heartache, as he had a woman who had claimed him. I know I cried on more than one occasion over this, but I never let anyone see my tears.
Even though we were honest at the time, she was a jealous woman, who didn't care for him to spend any time around me at all, and the two of us never got along. The air between us was always heavy with mistrust and envy, sometimes, on her part, hatred. One of my jobs was a photographer, and I still think she had me do their portraits out of spite. That was another time I didn't let anyone see me cry. We had many long conversations during this point. I was starting to realize how unhappy I was with the Boy (Someone I had been with since High School. I don't wish to talk about him much, but I might later) and he was starting to see some cracks in the woman's mask.
I told him then of my greatest fears... being alone and forgotten. It was this moment, that he said something that has been forever engraved into my memory.
"Forgetting you, would be like forgetting the moon."
We fell out of contact yet again, but that didn't last long. Back in the days that we were miles apart, we made a promise that, should both of us be single at the same time, we would sleep together. In all honestly, who doesn't make promises like that? Once we found each other again, the promise came to be a reality, as the woman had left him, and I had left the boy. All those years of sidelong glances from across the room, silent messages, and unspoken words, were brought to a grand climax (no pun intended) that night.
It was during this time that we decided to make it official. He was my Dom, and I was his sub. The most beautiful relationship I have ever known. I cared for and served him, and he cared for and protected me. Unfortunately, yet again, we fell out of touch after a while, which was my fault indeed. After a year or so, my low self-esteem got the better of me and the Boy waltzed his way back into my life, trapping me yet again. No, that was not my brightest moment
It took some fighting with the Boy for me to resume my weekly escape from reality, where I yet again found my Master. We've never been a pair that you could keep apart, and it is useless for us to resist. The bond between us cannot be ignored. As simple as that.
I am determined to leave the Boy again, for my own good. I hate being trapped where I don't want to be trapped, and it's not healthy. My Master has yet again taken up his position of caring for me, and protecting me. For the moment, it is secret, hense the name of our blogs. But it is a beautiful secret, one that I cherish and hold dear. I love my Master with all of my heart. I have to strive to be the best girl I can be, for the both of us.
Please note that I will expand upon different parts and memories in turn. Today, I just wanted to get this all out there, so you can see the places where we have been over the years. Hopefully, within lies a hint of where we are going to as well.

~Angel

Humble Beginnings

The first thing to often come out of people's mouths when they hear that I am a submissive, and have a Dom, is something along the lines of "Oh, so you're in to all that kinky sex then."

They're only half right.

The relationship between a Dom and his/her Sub is quite different than two people participating in an S&M relationship. Namely, the values are different. Whereas two people participating in S&M may never see each other again, the bonds between Dom and Sub run deep, and it's not a relationship that is taken lightly.

One of the first things I will tell you, is that we've taken years to get to this point. Every choice about our relationship has been carefully discussed, thought over, discussed again, and decided together. We have rules that I must follow, and limits that are not to be crossed. 

The next thing I will say, is that I am perfectly happy kneeling by his side.

This blog is a mirror to that which is posted by my Sir. Here, you will see the submissive viewpoint. I will however warn you, much like the blog belonging to my Sir, this will contain some rather adult posts. If it gets to be too much, feel free to click the little red 'x' at the top of your screen.

But for now, a humble beginning is a good place to start.

~Angel